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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the terms this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is interested or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your choice to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {